Here we are again.  The last week of December - my favorite time to consider the gifts and lessons of the year.  I really believe that God offers instruction to us through everything in our lives - what a waste it would be to leave that instruction in the dust as we move on!  I've been pondering, making notes, re-reading old blogs (including my resolutions for '09, made about 51 weeks ago), and just listening in silence today.  Here, in no particular order, are ten of the biggies that 2009 held for me:

1.  A new son-in-law, whom I must quantify as a "deluxe model."  I started the year watching a friendship develop between my daughter and this perfectly wonderful guy.  Watching their relationship grow was delicious.  Riding out the wave of the whirlwind wedding was an adventure.  Sending them off to live 8 hours away at seminary was not as hard as I'd have guessed it might be; after all, they have each other and the One who carries them.  I read once somewhere that when a woman is loved well, she blossoms.  I've watched that NOT happening so many times, in so many relationships.  To my immeasurable joy, my Julia has opened up like the most spectacular bloom since her Zack entered the picture. 

2.  The fulfillment of my son's childhood ambition.  Clear back in grade school, he resolved (in writing, even) to one day join the National Guard.  In the time between then and his high school graduation in 2008, that dream seemed to have died.  We like to say in our family that Caleb is always working a plan.  We smile when we say it, because the plan is ever-changing.  It sure is fun to watch, though not necessarily for the faint of heart.  The dream revived; he signed on the line in late '08 (hmm...accidental poesy.)  This year, he survived boot camp and AIT.  I learned a lot about trusting God, as he suffered stress fractures in his feet (but still had to run carrying a 70-lb pack), pneumonia, and a brown recluse spider bite.  He transformed into a lean, mean, fighting machine - I am in awe of the changes in him during that 5 1/2 month period of his life.  Yup, call me a proud mama.  I'll wear that title!

3.  Switzerland, baby!  In an act of shocking generosity, the family of our foreign exchange student flew me to Switzerland for a visit.  I had never been outside the U.S. borders before; to be honest, before Lino came to stay with us, I wasn't really interested in Switzerland at all.  Skiing, good watches, chocolate...meh.  (Can you say, "stereotype?")  Knowing Lino made me want to visit; he had become family, and I needed to know the rest of my "adopted relatives."  By the time I went, I was even excited about Switzerland itself, though I still had really No Idea.  My ten days there left me forever in love with that place and that family.  When it was time to come home, his mom told me we must say our goodbyes well, for we couldn't know if we would meet again.  It made me cry then and it makes me cry now.  Surely we must meet again.     

4.  Ironworks.  While my daughter was still at home, she got me into this Bible study at her church.  The thing about living in a small, rural community and having seriously pursued God for awhile now is that most of the teaching that is easily accessed is made up of repeat material that by its nature has to be aimed at people who are fairly new to faith.  Spiritually, there's milk and there's meat...and milk is a lot easier to find than meat.  I have depended heavily on the internet to provide newer/deeper/more challenging material over the last few years.  Ironworks is taught by a pastor who is scary-smart, bold, and yet still loving and humorous (that's a tough combo to find, people.) Sometimes I feel like he's blowing my hair back when he talks.  Sometimes I have to listen hard and ponder long to grasp what he offers.  Finding a place to be stretched in a face-to-face format can only be called an answered prayer. 

5.  Youth groups.  Working with kids is not new for me in 2009, but it is definitely a continued gift.  I get to spend time weekly with two very different bunches of kids.  They come from different backgrounds, talk differently, see the world differently, and hear my words differently.  Between Sunday school and youth groups, I get 3 times a week of kid time...my favorite 3 times of the week.  They make me laugh, they teach me, they open my understanding.  Once in awhile, I teach them something too.  My junior high kids run so deep we studied Revelation for 9 months; now we're beginning another similarly long run called "Survey of the Faith," where we'll study denominations and such.  My youth church kids test my courage and fortitude - there is no question they won't ask (it didn't happen in 2009, but the time we did "6 Weeks on What God Says About Sex" was a growth opportunity for me!)  Teaching fills me up at both ends of the process...the studying up for it, and the pouring out part. 

6.  Return to the gunslinger.  More than ten years ago, I started reading Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series.  When I started, I kept checking the book cover to make sure it was really King; it's very unlike much of his other work.  Along about the halfway mark, the author was hit by a van while out walking.  I remember when I read about it in the news; my instant response was not compassion for his pain, not prayer for him or the van driver.  My first thoughts:  "He can't die before he finishes the series!"  Complete with real pit-in-the-stomach fear.  Not long after that, amidst a conversation with God, I reluctantly got rid of my Stephen King collection and resolved not to pick the series up again unless He said it was okay.  I told myself and others that this was because King is too dark (and he surely does gaze unflinchingly and unapologetically at the darker side of humanity), but the more important factor was tied up in one simple word:  idolatry.  I mourned as books five and six were released; walking by the bookstore in the mall was a kind of torture.  My obedience in not reading them was begrudging at best.  But somewhere along the way, I really let go, for which I must credit God and not me.  I didn't even notice when the final book was released.  At some point (I think it was early 2009) I felt like the Lord released me to read again; I didn't pick it up, though, until December.  I've read books 5, 6, and 7 in my usual "all at once" fashion.  In short:  this series is a masterpiece, and is surely the core of Stephen King's life's work.  I've relished the reading, and am sad that the adventure is over.

7.  Perhaps a jewel.  This year marked the first time in my life that I can say with certainty that I was persecuted for my faith.  I don't count "people not liking my faith" as persecution; nor dirty looks or flippant comments.  While I have certainly not suffered in the ways my brothers and sisters in the faith do in third world countries, I did watch it cost me in real life terms this year.  While I'll not share the details of that here, I will say I am celebrating!  After all, that's what scripture tells me to do.

8.  Empty nest...sort of.  For awhile in '09 after Julia's wedding, both of my kids were gone.  I got a little taste, for the first time in my life, of living all by myself.  It was quite a bit better than I thought it would be; the good news about that is it removed my fear of the empty nest.  The nest wasn't empty for long; I had company for part of the time and then Caleb came home after AIT.  I've known parents who couldn't wait for the kids to move out; I've never been one of those.  But I'm feeling good about how well my little "alone testing times" have gone.  I even did Christmas morning all alone in my house, and enjoyed it...pretty cool, eh?

9.  Unbreakable love.  "If you end up ___________ after all I've done for you, I don't know what I'll do!"  I said (or more accurately, yelled) those words once upon a time on a Very Bad Night, to someone I love as family.  In 2009, not one but two such someones in my life have ended up in that fill-in-the-blank space.  I have listened as they've shared the details, watched as they've suffered the consequences, prayed as they've struggled.  What I learned:  what I'll do is love them anyway, every bit as much.  Not because I am so amazing, but because of the God who loves them through me, and the gift of the unbreakable love He's given me for them.  What I am giving is nothing more than I've been given, and I've needed it as desperately as they have.  Truth:  it's as good a gift in the giving as in the getting. 

10.  Unemployment.  Or, as my friend the pastor points out, underemployment...I do still have my part-time job, after all.  I lost my full-time job in November as part of massive layoffs in the organization.  If I had tried to imagine in advance what being unemployed might look like, I'd never have seen it like this.  In general I love to work - productivity feels good, and not earning my keep feels bad.  But in this strange segment of the journey, I am enjoying a supernatural peace and joy (and finding ample opportunities to be productive.)  I am clear this is a temporary space in my life; there is truth in the scripture that says those that don't work, don't eat.  Nonetheless, this place of trusting in God's provision is...well...delicious.  I'll continue working my way back to full-time employment, but along the way, I am relishing the many gifts. 

So that's the list!  It's not ALL the gifts; that would be more like a book (and yeah, I know this one was long!)  I do believe I'll be marking 2009 as a Very Good Year.

I'd love to hear about yours!

much love,

k

I treated myself to sleeping in, this Thanksgiving...all the way to 8 o'clock.  I haven't decided yet whether that hour being "sleeping in" for me means I've gotten very disciplined or I am just old.  The fun part for me:  either answer is okay.  Facebook world is filled with thankfulness.  I like that!

This Thanksgiving morning finds me teary, overcome with the magnitude of God's grace and mercy, in that He has, for His own reasons, chosen to make me an incredibly rich person.  They have to be His own reasons; I know my story well enough to know the massive gulf between what I have earned and what I have - which is why I so often repeat that old Testament chart-topper that says, "O praise the Lord, for He is good, and His mercy endures forever." 

This morning, I celebrate the same things that many will:  home, health, family and friends.  But the things I have seen, heard, and learned this past couple of years...well, they are what push my gratitude from a sigh and a smile to a whole other level. 

Today, I write these words from the comfort of my kitchen, having looked into the eyes of many who don't have a place to call their own.  I lived up close to those who have no front door to shut against the world, no bed to leave unmade, no cupboard full of snacks.  I have seen the haunted expressions of those who share about sleeping outside or in cars.  I have heard the horror stories of those who are at the mercy of whoever will take them in.  I have watched the frustration of those who are learning to deal with shelter life, which means yielding to someone else's idea of how clean is clean enough or what time the lights should go out.  Today, when I say I am grateful for my home, it means whole worlds of things that had never crossed my mind before.

My personal encounter with Melanoma, so many years back now that I struggle to place a date on it, changed my appreciation for my health.   It deepened my compassion for those amidst the fight for their very lives.  It caused me to take notice of how frequently physical issues change the entire fabric of a life - and even other lives around it. 

What never used to cross my mind when I said "good health" was the mental health part of that equation.  My journey the last few years has taken me deep into the realities of mental illness.  I have watched it rob people of homes, health, and families.  I have witnessed it stealing away freedom.  I have listened to the way it seduces intelligent, beautiful people across points of no return.  I have felt the thickness of the wall it builds between the sufferers and those who love them.  I have watched it re-scripting lives with its lies.  I have seen how it creates a parallel and dangerous world, right here in the midst of us who live safely and well.  I have studied how skillfully it fabricates a screen that causes most of the world not to care at all about its work, other than being irritated or frightened by those in its grip.   Once upon a time, it never crossed my mind to be grateful for my mental health.  That was presumption on a very high order.  Today, when I wish you good health, or when I am thankful for my own, mental health is at the top of that list. 

Those of us who have family and friends tend to take them for granted, and it rarely crosses our minds that someone may not have such a luxury.  If you've never encountered someone with that kind of poverty, may this be the year you do...and may you be an agent of change in that someone's life.  The old line says "people need people."  I used to think it was a lie, back when I believed I was a loner and that I required large amounts of solitude in order to be happy.  I was wrong.  People DO need people.  We shape one another.  We draw out the poison from old wounds.  We stir up the good stuff that's been settled so long that it has been forgotten.  We prop each other up.  Do we get it wrong, sometimes?  Oh, yes.  Often, even.  Is it awkward and unlovely, on occasion?  Yeah, you betcha.  But people without real family and friends are dangerously susceptible.  I am grateful for friends and family, not only because they sometimes give me the "warm fuzzies," but also because I need them, and they need me, and the One who designed us all planned it like that. 

This Thanksgiving holiday, may you enjoy your turkey and even your football, if that's your thing.  But before, during, after, and above it all, may you really know the fullness of your wealth, no matter where you are today.  And may the One who let you have it receive all the glory.

much love

k